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Happy Friday everyone,

We’re now firmly into ‘let’s pick this up in the new year’ territory, which means you can throw anything remotely work-related on the backburner and focus on getting drunk festive.

But unlike office-based work, the news cycle keeps on spinning between now and January 1st.

Let’s get you up to speed on world business and politics curated memes.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes

Quote of the Week

EU agrees €90 billion loan for Ukraine as Putin says Kyiv is 'refusing to end this conflict'

After a 17-hour summit (not including the 3 hour leisurely lunch-break), EU leaders agreed to raise €90 billion in zero-interest loans to keep Ukraine solvent for the next two years.

Kyiv warned the money was essential to pay soldiers and buy weapons, especially with the US no longer offering fresh military aid and pushing for NATO to be Europe-led by 2027.

The loan will be backed by the EU’s shared budget, but not everybody was happy.

The Russian puppet states usual suspects of Hungary, Slovakia and the Czech Republic only signed on after securing exemptions, indicating that the EU should maybe think a little harder about who they let in deep splits inside the bloc.

Countries that could actually be invaded by Russia, like Poland and the Baltics, see Ukraine’s survival as a matter of European self-preservation. Others, usually the ones out of long-range ballistic missile range, are being a tad more conservative.

The deal ditches an earlier plan to fund Ukraine by seizing frozen Russian state assets, shelved over legal and financial fears.

Even then, Ukraine will need a cheeky €45 billion top up by 2027. Maybe Zelensky could ask some of his mates for help, as they never seem short of cash. 

TikTok owner ByteDance has signed binding agreements to spin its American business into a new joint venture, half-owned by US and global investors including Oracle, Silver Lake and Abu Dhabi’s MGX.

ByteDance keeps just under 20%, with 50% split between the new joint venture and the additional 30% held by ‘affiliates of existing ByteDance investors’.

The deal is due to close on January 22nd and ends years of Washington trying to force a sale over national security fears, after Congress passed a ban in 2024 that Trump repeatedly delayed.

China has now signed off, reportedly after direct talks between Trump and Winnie the Pooh Xi.

TikTok’s For You Page system will be copied, audited by Oracle, and rebuilt using only US user data, designed to satisfy Washington’s national security demands of not having any foreign interference in the algorithm. 

UK to rejoin EU's Erasmus student exchange scheme from 2027 onwards

The UK will rejoin the Erasmus student exchange scheme from 2027, six years after leaving it under Brexit.

British students will again be able to get aggressively drunk in European cities study at European universities as part of their degree without extra fees. EU students will be able to come to the UK on the same basis, mostly to complain about how shit the weather is.

The government has agreed to pay £570 million to join an expanded Erasmus+ programme for the 2027–28 academic year, which it says is a discounted rate.

Calling it a ‘discount’ is a bit steep, considering it used to cost around £300 million less pre-Brexit.

Labour ministers frame it as a practical win for skills, universities and young people, whilst Tory and Reform critics say it is a costly climbdown that reopens old Brexit battle lines.

Erasmus replaces the UK’s Turing scheme for EU exchanges, which a) no one has ever heard of and b) was underfunded and paperwork-heavy.

Elon Musk becomes the first person ever worth $600 billion

Elon Musk’s wealth is drifting into science-fiction territory, with SpaceX reportedly hitting a $800 billion valuation in an insider share sale, lifting Musk’s 42% stake sharply.

If the company floats next year at a mooted $1.5 trillion, his SpaceX holding alone could top $625 billion.

Tesla is contributing as well, with its shares up this year, boosted again after Musk said the firm is testing robotaxis without a front-seat safety monitor. His AI venture, xAI, is also closing in on a $15 billion funding round at a $230 billion valuation.

Musk joined the billionaire ranks in 2013 with under $5 billion. He crossed $100 billion in 2020. Now he’s approaching $500 billion, helped by corruption looser regulation and fresh government contracts under Trump.

But before you try and ask him to lend you a tenner, factor in that Aspergers Tony Stark Musk is relatively cash poor.

After he called the cave diver who saved dozens of Thai children ‘pedo guy’, which led to him being sued back in 2019, court filings from the suit revealed that most of his wealth is tied up in equity.

BBC to fight Trump’s $10 billion lawsuit, saying it should be dismissed

The BBC is moving to have Donald Trump’s $10 billion defamation lawsuit thrown out before it gets expensive for British taxpayers.

Trump claims a Panorama documentary falsely portrayed him as inciting violence on January 6th, damaging his ‘brand’ and future earnings.

The Beebs’ argument is that the programme was never licensed or broadcast in the US and wasn’t available on BBC iPlayer there (even with a VPN) and therefore couldn’t plausibly have harmed Trump’s reputation.

Lawyers will also point out an obvious issue for a defamation claim: Trump won the election anyway, including actually increasing his vote share in Florida, where inciting violence is more culturally acceptable.

The case hinges on a controversial edit splicing together two parts of Trump’s speech an hour apart.

The BBC has claimed its editors tripped and accidentally spliced the clips together apologised for the “mistaken impression” but denies defamation.

Critics warn settling would harm the BBC’s editorial independence, especially as the lawsuit lands during a leadership vacuum and a looming charter review.

EU waters down plans to end new petrol and diesel car sales by 2035

Instead of requiring all new cars to run on leftover chip fat be zero-emission, Brussels now wants 90% to qualify, quietly easing off its planned 2035 ban on new petrol and diesel cars.

German carmakers pushed hard for the change, warning that weak demand for electric cars could land them with multi-billion-euro fines.

To square the climate maths, the Commission is leaning on low-carbon steel, biofuels and e-fuels made from captured CO₂.

Critics say this is creative accounting that risks slowing Europe’s EV transition just as China and the US accelerate.

Europe lagging behind because of outdated systems and certain countries protecting their national industries.

Who would have thought?!

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🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Aussie of the Week

Ahmed al Ahmed (so nice they named him twice) sprang out from behind a car and wrestled a gun off one of the attackers of last weeks tragic shooting at Bondi Beach in Australia.

At least 15 people were killed in the attack at Bondi Beach on Sunday, but more people undoubtedly would have been harmed if it weren't for Mr al Ahmed’s heroism.

He has received A$2.5 million (£1.24 million) in community donations from his hospital bed as he is treated for his injuries, with Australian PM Anthony Albanese calling him “the best of our country.”

That’s all for today, but before you go…

We’re always open to feedback (and hate-mail), so feel free to reply and we’ll get back to you within 5 “working” days.

Barring a natural disaster or being kidnapped by the intelligence services, we’ll see you next week.

Thanks to Larry