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Happy Friday, enlightened meme-lovers,

Congrats on making it to the end of another week without a) being drafted into another pointless war b) making it onto Epstein’s client list or c) dying from alcohol poisoning.

Let’s celebrate the end of another week together, but first let’s get you the news you need to know, in meme form.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes

Quote of the Week

Keir Starmer to replace post-ministerial jobs watchdog with tougher regime

Keir Starmer is scrapping the post-ministerial jobs watchdog Acoba and replacing it with a tougher ethics body.

From October, former ministers and senior officials who break lobbying or business appointment rules could lose their severance pay and face new financial penalties.

Ministers who served under six months—or return to office within three—will no longer get golden goodbyes (not to be confused with “happy endings”).

The reforms come after years of criticism that Acoba had no enforcement power and was about as useful as a cock-flavoured lollipop, according to a report lead by the Lord Pickles (yes, that’s his actual name).

Boris Johnson, famous for his respect for the high standards of public office, alone broke its rules three times—once to grab a £275k Daily Telegraph column and again for a six-figure Daily Mail gig and a hedge fund job tied to a meeting with Venezuela’s president—all without facing any consequences.

Severance payouts, once automatic, will now depend on actual time served and conduct in office—ending the era of ministers being paid thousands after weeks in a job. Under the hallowed premiership of Liz Truss for instance, Brandon Lewis pocketed nearly £17k for 49 days as justice secretary.

To replace Acoba, a new Ethics and Integrity Commission (EIC) will be created, headed by ex-military chief Doug Chalmers.

It will absorb the Committee on Standards in Public Life and be tasked with coordinating ethics bodies, auditing standards and reporting annually to the PM.

Donald Trump has unveiled a new trade deal with Japan, claiming Tokyo will invest $550 billion into the US and reduce tariffs on American goods like cars, trucks, rice and agricultural products.

Japanese consumers will rejoice at the news that more of that world famous American rice will be making its way to Japan.

The agreement comes after weeks of tense negotiations and arrives just in time to beat Trump’s self-imposed August 1st tariff deadline.

It’s also a bit of a full circle moment for Donald-san, as his hard-on for tariffs was triggered back in the 80s partly by Japan’s trade strategy and subsequent economic boom.

Japanese imports to the US will now face a 15% tariff instead of the previously threatened 25%. For Japan, this marks a partial reprieve for its auto industry, which had been hit with a 25% levy.

While steel and aluminium tariffs remain untouched, Japan confirmed it will lower auto tariffs to 15% with no volume limits—a rare concession.

The deal is a political lifeline for Prime Minister Shigeru Ishiba, whose coalition has just lost its upper-house majority after an earlier lower-house loss. Despite internal party pressure to resign, Ishiba held off—pending a breakthrough on trade.

Trump’s agreement with Japan is part of a global spree. Deals have also been struck with the UK, Vietnam, Indonesia and the Philippines.

Zelensky backtracks on law over anti-corruption bodies after protests

Ukrainian modestly successful comedian President Volodymyr Zelensky has submitted a new bill to restore the independence of Ukraine’s top anti-corruption bodies, days after he sparked a political firestorm by pushing through legislation that curbed their powers.

The move followed widespread protests across Ukraine and royally pissed off her European allies, who up until this week still harboured high hopes for welcoming Ukraine to the leisurely lunch break club/European Union at some point this decade.

The original law handed control of the National Anti-Corruption Bureau (Nabu) and the Specialised Anti-Corruption Prosecutor's Office (Sap) to the prosecutor general—an office appointed by the president.

Zelensky claimed it was necessary to combat Russian infiltration, citing recent arrests of alleged Russian spies at the agencies.

But the decision backfired.

The law triggered the largest protests since Russia’s full-scale invasion in 2022, with thousands taking to the streets in cities across Ukraine. Demonstrators accused Zelensky of weakening democratic institutions under the guise of national security.

EU officials warned that the rule of law and anti-corruption measures are non-negotiable conditions for Ukraine’s path to EU membership, despite some “members” seemingly slipping through the cracks on the whole corruption thing.

The new draft law, which Zelensky says will protect Nabu and Sap from political interference and Russian influence, has been cautiously welcomed by the European Commission.

Top UN court says countries can sue each other over climate change

The UN’s top court has delivered a historic advisory ruling that opens the door for countries to sue one another over climate change — including for damage caused by historic emissions.

The International Court of Justice (ICJ) said states are legally obliged under international law to take ambitious climate action, and that failing to do so i.e. continuing to subsidise fossil fuels, could constitute a breach.

The ruling is being hailed as a turning point by developing nations, particularly Pacific Island states like Vanuatu and Tonga, which are facing existential threats from climate change.

The court rejected arguments from wealthy countries like the UK that current climate agreements, such as the 2015 Paris Accord, were sufficient.

In other words, poorer countries who are getting fucked over by climate change can start to demand that richer countries fork out for the environmental damages caused.

The ruling says countries can seek compensation for climate damage if they can prove a direct link to emissions — something that will be judged case-by-case. It also explicitly holds governments responsible for the emissions of companies operating in their jurisdictions.

As some nations tend to do with international law, countries could very much just wipe their ass with it.

But it does raise interesting questions as to whether increased risk of litigation could realign incentives for more polluting countries.

Billions of investment released as UK signs trade deal with India

Ahh how far British-Indian relations have come.

From sketching out its borders with the same attention to detail as a drunk pissing in the bushes, Britain has now signed the long anticipated free-trade deal with India.

Finalised in May after over three years of talks, the UK–India trade deal is projected to boost the UK economy by £4.8 billion annually and attract £6 billion in investment.

It cuts average tariffs on UK goods from 15% to 3%, with whisky duties halved immediately.

While it still needs parliamentary approval in both countries, Keir Starmer has called it the most significant trade deal post-Brexit, promising over 2000 British jobs and expanded access to India’s market for British firms.

Narendra Modi hailed the agreement as a path to "shared prosperity," highlighting benefits for Indian exports like textiles and seafood and cheaper UK-made medical and aerospace goods for Indian buyers.

Critics say the deal lacks binding safeguards on labour, human rights (not exactly Modi’s strong suit) and the environment, particularly around coal.

Financial services are notably absent, with little progress on a separate investment treaty and India remains opposed to the UK's proposed carbon border tax.

White House pushes back after reports Trump is named in Epstein files

Rupert “Raised by Dingos” Murdoch-owned Wall Street Journal has reported that Donald Trump was told in May that his name appears in Justice Department files about disgraced sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.

Attorney General Pam Bondi allegedly informed him during a briefing, noting the documents contain hearsay, not proof of wrongdoing.

Trump has denied knowing this, preferring to dedicate his energy this week to bickering with Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell over renovation costs at the Federal Reserve offices.

The White House called the Epstein story “fake news,” but a staffer told Reuters they weren’t denying his name is in the files—just saying it doesn’t mean anything.

The Justice Department has said the files contain no incriminating “client list,” and that nothing warrants further investigation.

Not even this weird letter from Donny to Jeff…

Meanwhile, a judge in Florida has blocked the unsealing of Epstein-related grand jury records, citing state secrecy laws. Two separate New York judges are still deciding whether to release documents from Epstein’s 2019 trafficking case.

Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell, now in prison, may soon speak to both the Justice Department and a congressional committee.

Whether she’ll talk, invoke the Fifth or end up like her dad, is as yet unknown.

What the hell is a "Bunce"?

Bunce is like your slightly unhinged mate who actually understands economics. He's charming, informative - but could keel over at any moment.

This month, they've covered everything from AI agents threatening blackmail to why King Charles definitely doesn't use Monzo.

And robot pizza dogs.

Check Bunce here to get suspiciously well informed about UK business.

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Meme of the Week

Crackhead of the Week

Hunter Biden, son of former President Joe Biden and a convicted felon, had a 3-hour-long interview with Channel 5, covering Trump, his famous laptop, why George Clooney is a wanker, his crack cocaine addiction and much more.

Strangely enough, he didn’t manage to get onto the topic of fucking his dead brother’s widow, but other than that, he comes across quite well.

2028 Presidential run incoming?

That’s all for today.

We’ll be back, bigger and better, next week.

Our mission is to carefully curate and craft the best memes to help you get up to speed with what’s happening in the world and have a few laughs whilst doing so.

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Thanks to Ben, Jack & Fred