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Happy Friday you lovely people,

A special welcome to all our new subscribers. If you’re easily offended, take yourself way too seriously and/or hate fun, fuck off now before it’s too late.

And to our American readers, whilst we still haven’t forgiven you for 1776, we do appreciate you for sending Trump to our shores again, just purely on the fact he is a walking, talking orange meme.

Plenty to get through this week, so let’s get you up to speed via hand-crafted and carefully curated memes.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes

Quote of the Week

UK and US agree on a multibillion-pound big tech deal

The special relationship was on full display this week, as the UK has announced £150 billion in US investment, tied to a new ‘Tech Prosperity Deal’ signed by the surprising BFF pairing of Donald Trump and Keir Starmer.

Microsoft have pledged £22 billion, Google £5 billion, Nvidia around £2 billion, and other firms like Palantir, Amentum and Boeing have all promised projects ranging from helping AI to defence and aerospace, with ministers claiming the deal will generate 7,600 jobs.

The biggest chunk doesn’t come from a tech company though.

Around £90 billion, comes from asset manager Blackstone. Not to be confused with the OTHER shady asset managers over at Blackrock, whose main business is apparently pricing single mothers out of homes.

Not that Blackstone are a bunch of choir boys, as they’ve been caught dabbling in the odd bit of child slavery.

Luckily for British schoolchildren, data centres are pretty fucking heavy and their nimble little hands may not be of the best use, so Blackstone will have to settle for working age adults when it comes to the billions they are investing in UK data centres.

The deal has generated a lot of positive feeling within the government, and given that they’ve had their fair share of mishaps and scandals as of late, it’s safe to say they’ve needed something like this.

Not everyone’s a fan though. Former Facebook PR Monkey Deputy PM Nick Clegg called the deal “the crumbs from Silicon Valley’s table.”

Then again, given his own track record, we’d take his assessment with a pinch of salt.

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Once he’d finally figured out where he recognised Prince Andrew from, Donald Trump took a break from scoffing down his royal quail at Windsor Castle to escalate his fight with the media back across the pond, suggesting TV networks critical of him should have their licences “taken away.”

The remark followed ABC’s suspension of Jimmy Kimmel after he linked Charlie Kirk’s accused killer to Trump’s supporters and mocked Trump’s reaction.

It’s important to note that Kimmel also condemned the attack and sent love to the Kirk family in the immediate aftermath of the shooting.

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) chair, Trump moutpiece ally Brendan Carr, praised Kimmel’s suspension, calling his comments “the sickest conduct possible,” warning broadcasters they could face regulatory action if they didn’t start saying stuff we agree with “change conduct.”

It’s a crying shame really, as late night talk shows like Kimmel’s are at the peak of their powers and enjoying fantastic ratings.

Alas, they don’t deserve to be put out of their misery for anything other than shit ratings, not the whims of a bloke who still spray tans his face orange at 79 and can barely read.

Xi and Putin are reportedly big fans of the move though…

Tesla shares rise on Elon Musk’s $1 Billion stock purchase

Everyone’s favourite on the spectrum billionaire Elon Musk spent a cool $1 billion buying Tesla stock, his first open-market purchase since 2020 and his most significant purchase since he bought Charlie Sheen’s leftover stockpile earlier in the year.

The move boosted shares more than 6% and is being spun as a show of faith in the company, which has struggled with falling sales, fierce EV competition and Elon being a twat political baggage.

Musk already owns about 13% of Tesla but has been pressing for more control, demanding a 25% stake and even threatening to quit.

The buy comes as Tesla’s board dangles eye-watering pay packages: a proposed $1 trillion plan that could hand Musk a further 12% of the firm if certain targets are hit, plus a $29 billion “interim” award after his 2018 deal was struck down in court.

Musk’s political entanglements remain a ballache for the company though, and his pay package supposedly comes with conditions from Tesla’s board that limit his involvement with politics.  

To be fair, hiring a bunch of teenagers to slice up the federal government, calling your boss a paedo on the internet and facetiming Tommy Robinson to call for the dissolution of the British parliament is enough of a political highlight reel to cause the suits some mild concern.

Ben & Jerry's co-founder exits after feud with Unilever over Gaza

Jerry Greenfield, co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s, has quit his role as “brand ambassador” after clashing with parent company Unilever over the Gaza conflict.

In a public letter, the 74-year-old said the ice cream maker, famous for its activism, had been “silenced and sidelined” by Unilever, and he could no longer work there in good conscience.

Because up to this week, Unilever had never, ever done anything even remotely fucked up.

The rift traces back to 2021, when Ben & Jerry’s announced it would stop sales in the Israeli-occupied West Bank

Unilever responded by selling the Israeli business to a local licensee, prompting lawsuits from the brand, which has also accused its parent of trying to weaken its independent social mission board.

The company has since described Israel’s actions in Gaza as “genocide,” a stance almost no other US corporation has taken. We would dive into why that is, but as we’d all like to keep our spleens, we’ll refrain from doing so.

His business partner Ben Cohen has been agitating for a separate Ben & Jerry’s spin-off, even protesting outside a Magnum investor event in London. Cohen is staying on, but Greenfield says he’ll continue campaigning from outside the company.

Unilever, which denies muzzling the brand, saw its shares rise slightly after the news.

First migrants deported from UK to France under one in, one out deal

An Eritrean man has become the second migrant deported to France under the UK’s new “one-in, one-out” deal, after a High Court judge threw out his last-minute attempt to block removal.

Another Eritrean had briefly succeeded in delaying deportation earlier this week by citing modern slavery, prompting Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood to rewrite legal guidance overnight to stop similar appeals.

The first deportee was flown to Paris on Thursday without contest. It’s expected they will launch a challenge to the UK Courts, citing that being forced to see an aerial view of the Paris suburbs constitutes a violation of their human rights.

Prime Minister Keir Starmer hailed the removals as proof the system can work but admitted it must be scaled up to deter Channel crossings.

To be fair, the French do have their hands somewhat full at the moment.

Mario Draghi warns Europe is falling further behind rivals due to complacency

Mario Draghi has blasted EU leaders for ignoring his competitiveness blueprint, warning the bloc is falling further behind the US and China.

A year after publishing his report calling for looser competition rules, deeper capital markets and huge investments in innovation, the former ECB chief and Italian PM says almost nothing has been implemented.

“Europe’s growth model is fading fast,” he told EU officials in Brussels, accusing governments of failing to grasp the urgency of the moment.

The numbers underline his point.

The US produced 40 major AI models last year, China 15 and the EU just three. Europe also faces energy costs nearly four times higher than in America, while its trade deficit with China has widened 20% since late 2024.

Draghi said subsidies offer only temporary relief and urged structural reforms to attract private capital. “To carry on as usual is to resign ourselves to falling behind,” he warned.

His cries for reform have been met with the following Out Of Office email response:

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Meme of the Week

Baldy of the Week

Whilst most of America’s Peter Thiel gimps ‘leaders’ seemed perfectly content with pouring petrol on the raging fires of political division, Governor of Utah (the state Kirk was killed in) and our new favourite baldy Spencer Cox has been a breath of fresh air.

Instead of spouting wingnut diatribes or comparing Kirk to Malcom X, Cox basically told everyone (in polite, political lingo) to go outside and touch some fucking grass:

Now fuck off and go touch some grass…

Barring an act of god or being kidnapped by Mossad, we’ll be back, bigger and better, next week.

We’re always open to feedback (and hate-mail), so feel free to reply and we’ll get back to you within 5 “working” days.

Thanks to Dan and Oliver