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Greetings lovely people,

We’ve spent most of the week looking into the policies of an intergalactic talking bin and doing the Norwegian rowing chant, so it’s safe to say it’s been a productive one.

Then again, “only the slave measures their worth in productivity” - Confucius (probably)

Anyway, let’s get you up to speed on the news via memes.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes

Following a run-off election this week (and double counting the MAGA votes from Miami), Keiko Fujimori has won Peru’s presidential elections over left-wing candidate Roberto Sánchez. 

Keiko is, of course, the daughter of longtime Peruvian president Alberto Fujimori.

Old Alberto was a fan of a bit of South American “law and order” (i.e., he was jailed for committing crimes against humanity like sterilising the indigenous population). Charming stuff.

We hope that authoritarian tendencies don’t run too strongly in the family, although Keiko’s platform was also security-focused, which was clearly persuasive for an electorate concerned about a recent surge in kidnappings and extortion. 

This election is one of several in South America which have recently elected interesting right-wing characters. 

Abelardo de la Espriella won Colombia’s presidency in June, promising voters an “iron fist” in relation to security while José Antonio took office in Chile in March, on a platform of anti-immigration, deregulation and tax cuts. 

Kast, from a Nazi family and himself a vocal Pinochet supporter, has an authoritarian pedigree that might give Fujimori a run for her money. 

All three have pledged closer ties with Trump too, so expect more Bukele-style mega-prisons and US influence across South America in the next four years.

Not content with Andy Burnham being the media’s current favourite politician, Deform Reform UK leader Nigel Farage has stepped down as an MP, triggering a by-election in Clacton. 

Oddly, Farage declared that he will run in the resulting by-election so the electorate can judge his actions in a “people vs. the establishment” vote.

The actions in question include personally receiving £5m from a crypto billionaire in May 2024, accepting gifts from his favourite fixer and felon, George Cottrell (who calls Farage “Daddy”), and failing to disclose any of it.

Farage is under parliamentary investigation regarding the £5m, and his bankers even reported the donation to the National Crime Agency over money laundering concerns.

By asking Clacton to judge him, he is avoiding accountability, as standing down temporarily suspends the probe (though it resumes if he is re-elected).

The stunt won’t achieve much else, however.

All major parties are boycotting the by-election, leaving our favourite intergalactic aristocrat, Count Binface, as his only serious challenger.

He wears a bin on his head and wants to ‘nationalise Adele’, so naturally we are endorsing him.

It’s not entirely clear whether voting for a man who receives £5m from his mates is a vote for “the people” or “the establishment”, but we’ll leave that to the people of Clacton.

A court in eastern China sentenced Yang Youlin, a former city official, to death for taking more than 2.2bn yuan ($325m/£243m) in bribes accumulated over 30 years.

Even for Nigerian/Indian/Russian/Venezuelan standards, those are some pretty impressive numbers.

Yang held various positions in Nanjing between 1993 and 2023, working largely on economic and technological development, and was also convicted of embezzlement, abuse of power, and money laundering.

His illicit gains rank among the highest uncovered in recent years; he used his roles to help others secure engineering contracts, land transfers, and financing in exchange for money and valuables.

Good to see that bilateral relations with Italy remain strong…

The case is part of President Xi Jinping's long-running anti-corruption crackdown, which has also hit military ranks and high-level banking, though critics argue the campaign doubles as a tool to purge political rivals.

Death sentences for financial crimes are rare in China, typically reserved for cases exceeding 1bn yuan — precedents include Lai Xiaomin (executed 2021, 1.8bn yuan in bribes) and Li Jianping (executed 2024, over 3bn yuan in embezzlement and bribes).

China get a lot of flack for their human right record, but if anything, at least politically motivated executions for ‘corruption’ are an improvement on beating people up and throwing them out of windows.

Progress is a wonderful thing.

As you know, we sacrifice our ears and eyes to digest and translate the news for your viewing pleasure. 

That means we spend A LOT of time taking in news sources from around the web (don't ask for our combined screen times). 

So we can tell you first-hand how easy it is to be misled and manipulated by much of today's mainstream news. 

Not a pretty sight. 

That's where our friends at Ground News come in. 

They pull coverage of the same story from thousands of sources across the political spectrum, flagging each outlet's known bias's, factual reliability, and even ownership. 

Their Bias Comparison tool is a personal fave.

It gives you a no-nonsense breakdown of each individual story and how it’s being framed by different outlets from the left, centre and right. 

We use Ground News every week to help the newsletter together, and honestly, they've been a total game changer for us.

Subscribe to get 40% off the Vantage plan using our unique link.

The European Commission is drafting proposals to reform the EU's enlargement process, aiming to reclaim a leading role in a debate that member states have increasingly driven themselves.

In other words ‘shut the fuck up all of you. We write the rules here not you in your diddly little countries people can’t even find on a map.’ Overheard in a bar in Brussels…

Montenegro is closing in on becoming the bloc's 28th member, and several states have recently circulated their own position papers on how the process should change.

Germany and France have floated phased integration, letting candidate countries access some benefits before earning full membership, a sort of ‘try before you buy model.’

German Chancellor Friedrich Merz has separately proposed an "associate membership" status tied to security guarantees for Ukraine, the age-old ‘dating but not really dating’ situationship model of membership.

The whole debate is further complicated by next year's French presidential election, where hard-right frontrunner Jordan Bardella has firmly opposed Ukraine's EU accession.

Which definitely has nothing to do with farming subsidies.

Poor old Montenegro, already drafting its own accession treaty, risks becoming the testing ground for all the new tweaks, which would be quite harsh considering they’ve done everything by the book for the past decade in order to join.

Anyway, here’s a funny scene about EU accession starring Zelenskyy from back when he was a moderately successful comedian.

The OBR published its annual Fiscal Risks and Sustainability Report to Parliament this week, which struck a surprisingly upbeat tone. 

Come on, don’t be silly. 

The report shows a base case in which net public debt hits 300% of GDP by 2075. For context, Britain’s current debt-to-GDP ratio is around 100% (already pretty high).

These are only projections, but structural pressures like an ageing population and rising healthcare costs leave present spending commitments looking dangerously unsustainable.

The government is currently reviewing a recent surge in Personal Independence Payment claimants, driven mainly by mental health and neurodivergence-related claims (which your grandad insists are made up), suggesting some appetite to control spending. 

Andy Burnham has confirmed however that he is scared of pensioners voting Reform won’t touch the state pension triple lock, meaning that a world of sustainable welfare spending commitments is still wishful thinking for Brits. 

This quagmire of low growth, and a ballooning welfare bill is an existential problem for the UK, and the report acknowledges that drastic action will be needed.  

Combine this with too-hot summers and an ongoing game of Prime Minister musical, and Britain looks like the worst impersonation of being Italian since Brad Pitt in Inglourious Basterds.

Whilst hosting a fireside chat with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy in Ankara, Donald Trump served up a timely reminder that if seniors need to pass a test to keep their driving licence, they should probably need one to keep hold of the nuclear codes.

Speaking about the situation in Iran, Donny T said the following:

This was only a few minutes after mistakenly referring to Zelenskyy as President Putin.

To be fair, he’s not the first President in recent memory to make that mistake.

We’d love it if you left us some feedback as to how you found this edition.

Our intern will get back to you within 4-5 business days, once we’ve let them out of the basement for some fresh air.

Thanks to Roberto & Faris