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Happy Friday, gang

We’re humbled (and somewhat concerned) that over 3,000 of you have chosen to ditch the fearmongering lame-stream media to get your weekly dose of politics and business news through memes.

Our perennially drunk but passionate team are eternally grateful.

Enough foreplay - let’s get straight into the news you need to know.

⏰ Today's reading time is 6 minutes

Quote of the Week

Ah we do love a good enemies to lovers arc…

Emmanuel Macron kicked off his state visit to the UK — the first by an EU leader since Brexit — with a Churchill-esque plea for Anglo-French unity in the face of a new world order.

Sorry, that comparison was disrespectful to the old war-dog Winston.

After all, Churchill was never groomed by his teacher before going on to work at Rothschild & Friends.

After a dressing down from the First Predator Lady of France, Macron said France and Britain have a “special responsibility” to defend Europe’s security from global destabilising powers.

The French President said that Europe must stop depending so heavily on the US and China and that Europe should “derisk” from both, though he was careful to say he doesn’t see Trump and Xi as equally risky.

France and Britain agreed to reinforce cooperation over their respective nuclear arsenals, another first, as the two European powerhouses seek to respond to growing threats to the continent.

The speech also touched on Ukraine (Europe must show it “will never abandon” Kyiv), Gaza (calls for an unconditional ceasefire and eventual Palestinian statehood), and even cross-Channel migration, where Macron offered to help Starmer fight smuggling gangs and floated a possible “one in, one out” deal.

It wouldn’t have been a Macron visit without some patronising condescension, where he claimed that the British public were “tricked” into Brexit.

To be fair, he may have a point on that one.

The US Department of Justice and FBI have concluded that Jeffrey Epstein died by suicide and did not have a "client list" implicating high-profile individuals, pushing back against years of ‘conspiracy’ theories.

A newly released two-page memo states there is "no credible evidence" Epstein blackmailed powerful figures or had an incriminating list. Surveillance footage supports the suicide finding, according to officials.

Wait, what surveillance footage?

This comes after months of pressure from Trump supporters who believed the former president would reveal new secrets after returning to office. Last year on the campaign trail, Trump had teased a full release of Epstein files.

He also said he’d end the Russia-Ukraine war in a day, so we were never holding our breath.

Trump himself dismissed Epstein questions this week, calling the ongoing interest “unbelievable”.

Frustration has grown among his MAGA base, especially after Attorney General Pam Bondi claimed on Fox News that she had a “list” on her desk—comments later clarified by the White House as referring to general case files, many of which had already been made public.

But hey, not everyone in the MAGA based is too hot and bothered about paedophilia.

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Jamie Dimon has a blunt message for Europe: ‘You’re losing’

Jamie Dimon took a break from shouting at remote workers to give Europe one of his trademark bollockings.

The JPMorgan Chase CEO warned that the EU is falling significantly behind both the US and China, pointing out that fifteen years ago, Europe’s economy was 90% the size of America’s.

Today, it’s down to 65%.

“You’re losing,” Dimon told the audience, hammering home that without major structural reform, Europe could fade into irrelevance.

He urged leaders to finally complete the single market — integrating banking, capital, disclosure, and climate policy — and look to agile economies like Singapore and South Korea for inspiration.

Basically a wankery, American version of what Mario Draghi already said in January.

It’s not the first time Dimon has spoken out about the continent.

In his recent shareholder letter, he pointed to the continent’s deep-rooted love for siestas inefficiencies and resistance to reform.

Dimon isn’t betting against Europe. But he is making it clear that if the continent doesn’t wake up soon, someone else will eat its (no doubt early and very leisurely) lunch.

Lifetime ISAs leave some with less money than they put in

MPs are calling for an overhaul of the Lifetime ISA (LISA) after finding that some users are ending up with less than they put in.

Designed to help under-40s save for a first home or retirement, the LISA offers a 25% government top-up on up to £4,000 saved each year. But if users withdraw money for reasons outside those two purposes, they face a penalty that eats into their own contributions, not just the bonus. In real terms, that's a 6.25% loss on their savings.

In 2023–24, nearly twice as many people made unauthorised withdrawals (almost 100,000) than used their LISA to buy a home, raising questions about whether the product is working as intended.

Of whether Brits just suck at saving.

Many who were hit with charges had tried to use the funds to buy homes priced above the LISA’s £450,000 cap — unchanged since 2017 despite soaring house prices.

The Treasury is reviewing the report but has yet to commit to specific reforms.

In the meantime, younger savers are stuck navigating a product that’s increasingly out of sync with reality.

US delays higher tariffs but announces new taxes for some countries

Donald Trump has delayed the next wave of US tariffs — but not by much. The White House has pushed back a planned hike in import taxes from the 9th July to the 1st of August, while simultaneously mailing thinly veiled threat-laced letters to 14 countries, including Japan, South Korea, Thailand and South Africa.

This extension buys more time for negotiations, but the tone is vintage Orange Maniac — unpredictable, headline-grabbing and built around leverage.

When asked whether the new August deadline was final, Trump replied:

Behind the scenes, officials say world leaders are scrambling to cut deals to avoid steep tariffs.

Japan, South Korea and Thailand are all trying to strike a deal before the new deadline, while South Africa’s president has pushed back against what he called “unilateral” tariff threats.

The White House insists the tactic is working.

Press secretary Karoline Leavitt claimed “the president’s phone rings off the hook” with foreign leaders pleading for evidence of their paedophilia to be destroyed trade talks.

Markets, however, aren't loving the uncertainty and US indexes dipped on the news. Tariff threats ranging from 25% to 40% now hang over major trading partners.

And while the UK and Vietnam have secured deals, those still included higher tariffs than before — which makes you wonder how "favourable" they really are long term.

Apple loses top AI models executive to Meta’s hiring spree

Zuckerberg is moving like an early 2010s Manchester City, poaching yet another aritificial intelligence talent with one of Apple’s top AI executives moving to Meta FC for big bucks.

Ruoming Pang, who led Apple’s foundation models team and oversaw AI development for Siri and upcoming features like Genmoji and email summarisation, is heading to Meta’s new "superintelligence" division.

At Apple, Pang managed a team of around 100 people focused on large language models. But amid internal reshuffles and Apple's growing reliance on outside models from OpenAI and Anthropic, morale on his team reportedly took a hit.

A $200 million pay-package will do a thing or two for one’s morale.

Dork turned amateaur MMA-bro Zuckerberg has restructured the company around AI and is throwing tens of billions at infrastructure, compute and now top-tier talent.

Pang joins a roster of high-profile AI names snapped up by Meta in recent months, including Scale AI’s Alexandr Wang and former GitHub CEO Nat Friedman, as well as talent from OpenAI and Anthropic.

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Meme of the Week

Interview of the Week

Whilst most of the headlines Grok grabbed this week were around it turning into Hitler, we want to give it kudos for it’s impressive levels of Turkish shit talk.

The AI chatbot pissed off so many users in Turkey with its political ramblings that it managed to secure an interview on national television.

Our personal favourite:

That’s all for today.

We’ll be back, bigger and better, next week.

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