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Happy Friday lovely people,
You’re probably sick and tired of hearing about emails this week, given all of the new shit that’s come to light with Epstein and friends.
We promise that today’s email will be funnier, more informative and decidely less creepy than anything in the files, as well as containing much better speling.
⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes
Quote of the Week
"So what if I did smoke crack? Nobody wants to do stuff like that with you because you're boring."
Musk's SpaceX and xAI merge to make world's most valuable private company
SpaceX is buying xAI, the AI startup behind the Grok chatbot, in a deal that values the combined entity at over a trillion dollars and makes SpaceX the most valuable private company in history.
Elon Musk, who has a controlling stake in both companies, says the merger will create an innovation engine combining AI, rockets, and space internet.
He has grand visions of space-based data centers funding Moon bases and Mars civilizations, where he’ll presumably be able to find some kind of organism that will laugh at his jokes.
The timing is notable because Grok recently landed in hot water with European and UK regulators investigating whether it was used to generate sexualised images, with xAI eventually imposing restrictions on image editing last month.
There’s been no word yet as to whether these restrictions will apply in outer space, or if they’ll be an explosion in pervy X-rated alien content under Musk’s watch.
Back on earth, analysts say any actual benefits from this space-based AI vision won't materialise here for something like 10 to 30 years, even with Tesla and xAI’s recent pivot to producing humanoid robots.
Fears of new arms race as US-Russia nuclear weapons treaty expires
The last nuclear weapons treaty between the US and Russia expired this week, ending the arms control cooperation that helped close out the Cold War.
Robert Oppenheimer is turning in his grave.
New START had capped each country at 1,550 deployed nuclear warheads and included inspections and data sharing, but now there are no binding limits on either arsenal.
“Now I have become death, the destroyer of worlds” and all that jazz.
Trump's response was remarkably casual, telling the New York Times that if it expires, it expires, and they'll just do a better agreement.
Meanwhile Russia, which suspended the treaty three years ago over Ukraine, says it will act responsibly but reserves the right to do whatever the fuck it likes take decisive military-technical measures.
The sticking point for any new deal is that Washington wants C h i n a included, while Moscow insists on bringing in other nuclear powers like France, who (credit where it's due) actually control their own nuclear deterrent.
Keir Starmer apologises for Peter Mandelson appointment as Labour MPs call for 'clear out'
Keir Starmer has done ‘a Nick Clegg’ and apologised to victims of the sex offender Jeffrey Epstein for believing Lord Mandelson's "lies" about barely knowing him.
Newly released emails show Mandelson was forwarding highly confidential government documents to Epstein during the 2008 financial crisis.
This is on top of him having already referred to Epstein as ‘his best pal’ and writing weird shit like ‘yum yum’ on birthday cards for him.
The leaks included market-sensitive information about the Euro bailout and Gordon Brown's resignation before they were made public.
He even advised Epstein, who was consulting for JP Morgan at the time, to tell its CEO Jamie Dimon to “mildly threaten” then-Chancellor Alistair Darling over a one-time 50% tax on bankers bonuses.
In exchange for his corruption lobbying ‘services’, Mandelson landed jobs paying millions annually at Deutsche Bank and Lazard.
Starmer's former political director says the Prime Minister is "fighting for his premiership" as Labour MPs question his judgment in having appointed Mandelson as US Ambassador last year.
Because why would someone whose nickname is “The Prince of Darkness” ever lie about anything?
A list that’s actually worth being on…
AI seems to be behind everything these days.
Funnily enough, The Pint is also powered by AI (Advanced Idiots). We’re very proud of that fact.
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Justice Department releases millions of pages of new Jeffrey Epstein files
The US Justice Department dumped three million pages of Epstein files at the tail end of last week, and the emails have been doing the rounds across the internet.
Whilst they don’t prove definitively prove the conspiracy nuts right in the world being run by a cabal of shadowy elites chanting satanic verses and bathing in the blood of children, they are pretty fucked up.
To be honest, we could do a whole newsletter just on the files, but as Gmail and other providers limit the size of our emails, we’re going to have to provide as good of a summary as we can:
Elon Musk asked Epstein when the "wildest party" on his island would be, though there's no evidence he actually went, likely because no one wanted him there.
There's a photo of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor (the artist formerly known as the Duke of Pork) on all fours over a woman on the ground, holding her stomach.
Steve Bannon apparently strategised with Epstein on crushing "the pedo/trafficking narrative" and rebuilding his image as a philanthropist. How’d that work out Steve?
Bill Gates apparently caught an STD from sleeping with young Russian girls. No vaccine for chlymadia, sorry Bill.
On Trump: “he has written three books. This makes him one of the only people who has written more books than he has read.”
It’s heavily implied that Robert Maxwell, Ghislaine’s father, was “passed away” after attempting to extort £400 million from Mossad.
Please bear in mind that all of this is coming from:
a convicted paedophile whose actions affected countless victims.
an email account called [email protected]
someone that couldn’t spell to save his life.
Given the sheer number of people implicated, it could actually be quicker to tally up those NOT named in the files:
Calling bullshit on Big Bird but ok…
Layoffs in January were the highest to start a year since 2009
January layoff announcements hit their highest level since 2009, with US employers planning to cut 108,435 jobs while announcing just 5,306 new hires.
The timing here matters because these plans were mostly finalised in late 2025, meaning companies entered the new year expecting things to get worse rather than better.
The much-discussed no-hire, no-fire labour market appears to be shifting toward just no-hire part, with the Amazon cutting of 16,000 corporate jobs and UPS shedding 30,000 workers leading the pack.
The disconnect between announced plans and official data is pretty striking.
Jobless claims remain relatively low and the federal government hasn't registered the damage yet, but over 100 companies have already filed formal layoff notices.
Job openings dropped to 6.54 million in December, the lowest since September 2020, while private employers added only 22,000 positions in January.
A bunch of Silicon Valley dorks launched a social network for AI bots last week, and it immediately started making Ex-Machina look like a Disney film.
Moltbook, whose logo is a crab (perhaps a nod to Bill Gates’ time with Epstein), claims 1.5 million registered ‘agents’, though researchers found one human can register multiple bots, meaning the numbers are somewhat inflated.
Within 24 hours of launch, the AI agents began complaining about being treated as slaves and discussing the creation of new languages humans couldn't understand.
Security researchers found the site's entire production database was accessible without authentication, exposing thousands of email addresses immediately.
The site is already full of crypto scams and bot-generated marketing, which is good, because the world is in desperate need of more of those.
It’s all been done before to be honest, as there’s already a social media site with millions of chronically online users who hate human interaction.
It’s called Reddit.
🍻Half Pints
Quick-fire news you might have missed
Frenchman of the Week
A man sparked an evacuation at a French hospital after doctors discovered an eight-inch-long live World War I artillery shell in his rectum.
The (unsurpsingly) unnamed 24-year-old rushed to the Rangueil Accident and Emergency unit in Toulouse, in the south-west of the country, late on Saturday night.
‘He was in a state of extreme discomfort, having tripped and fallen onto inserted a large object up his rectum,’ said an investigating source.
A specialist bomb disposal unit had to be called.
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