Send stories, jokes and hate mail to [email protected] 

Happy Friday everyone,

Before we get into your digest of meme-based news, we have a quick announcement.

Fortunately for you, and unfortunately for our interns’ prefrontal cortex, we’ll be coming to you twice a week from January onwards.

More details to come soon…

Onto the newsletter.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes

Quote of the Week

US could ask foreign tourists for five-year social media history before entry

Authoritarian regimes everywhere are green with envy as the US announced a new policy forcing certain foreign visitors to hand over five years of social media history before entering the country.

The proposal would expand existing screening, which already applies to some visa applicants, to tourists and short-term visitors.

Platforms covered could include Instagram, X, TikTok and even LinkedIn.

To be fair, you shouldn’t be allowed anywhere if you post shit like this.

Supporters say it helps spot security risks earlier, whilst critics say it is intrusive, vague and likely to scare off travellers who do not fancy border agents scrolling through their recent saved posts on Instagram.

Civil liberties groups warn it curbs free speech and hits academics and journalists the hardest.

U.S Customs and Border Protection gave our team the following comment:

Elon Musk has called for the EU to be abolished after regulators fined X €120 million ($140 million) under the Digital Services Act.

The Commission says X misled users with its blue checkmark, hid key details in its ad library and blocked researchers from public data.

Musk replied with “bullshit” and escalated to arguing national governments should replace the bloc, with X also blocking the EU from advertising on the platform.

The EU insists the case is about transparency and not speech, warning that further penalties would be levied if X fails to comply.

US business interests may not be too happy with Europe as a whole, as the bloc made more from fines on US tech firms than in tax from all of public European tech in 2024 (€3.8 billion vs €3.2 billion).

Throw in the fact that JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon (born of Greek parents) thinks Europe is fucked with JD Vance’s recent comments on the EU upholding the law fines, and the US-European picture gets decisively less rosy.

Trump clears way for Nvidia to sell powerful AI chips to China

Donald Trump has reopened the door for US chipmakers to sell advanced AI chips to China, letting Nvidia and others supply its H200 chips to “approved customers”.

Trump pitched it as a win for national security, jobs and American dominance in AI, whilst also demanding a cut, naturally.

He said up to 25% of Chinese revenues would be paid to the US government, though the White House has yet to clarify the deal.

The move follows heavy lobbying from Nvidia boss and part-time leather jacket model Jensen Huang, reversing a ban that put the company at the centre of the US–China tech standoff.

The H200 is powerful, but is a step behind Nvidia’s top Blackwell chip.

Still, critics warn the decision risks boosting China’s chances of invading Taiwan military AI capabilities, whilst supporters argue it buys leverage in talks over rare earths, which China largely controls.

Let’s be honest: no one opens an email hoping to see ads.

But beers writers cost money. So does rent.

Instead of slapping on boring banners and/or selling a kidney, we’ll write funny ads that are actually worth reading — and our beautiful readers get mate’s rates.

Want your brand inside of us?

Reply to this email or drop us a line at [email protected] and let’s talk.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…

UK-EU customs union motion passes, with backing of 13 Labour MPs

Thirteen Labour MPs broke ranks to back a Liberal Democrat bill pushing the UK towards a bespoke customs union with the EU, despite Labour’s manifesto ruling it out.

The vote ended 100–100, forcing Deputy Speaker Caroline Nokes to back the bill so debate could continue.

Before the Europhiles amongst you get too excited, it’s worth pointing out that the bill is largely symbolic, and unlikely to become law without government support.

If only the UK had been offered a deal that was, to quote Hannah Montana, ‘the best of both worlds…

Lib Dem leader Ed Davey called it a historic win and urged Prime Minister Keir Starmer to drop his Brexit red lines.

Starmer has been critical of Brexit’s economic damage but insists a customs union is not part of his policy plans, despite the fact that it seems a big chunk of the Brexit majority of 2016 have literally died out.

EU enlargement chief says Ukraine’s membership ‘inevitable’ despite Hungary’s objections

The EU’s enlargement chief says Hungary won’t be able to block Ukraine’s path into the bloc, somewhat ominously calling Ukrainian membership “inevitable”.

Commissioner Marta Kos framed EU accession as a security guarantee, noting there has never been a war on EU territory…

Ukraine applied to join in 2022 after Russia’s invasion and hopes to be in by the end of the decade, once everyone in the EU Enlargement department is back from their holidays.

She brushed off Putin’s gimp Hunagrian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán’s objections to talks continuing during the war, arguing Hungary has no veto over Ukraine’s internal reforms.

Venezuela accuses US of 'blatant theft' after tanker seized in Caribbean

The US has seized a large oil tanker off Venezuela’s coast, sharply escalating Donald Trump’s pressure campaign against President Nicolás Maduro.

Trump called it the biggest tanker seizure e v e r (don’t lie, you read it in his voice), while the Justice Department said the vessel was moving sanctioned oil linked to Venezuela and Iran.

Venezuela’s government branded the move “international piracy” and proof that Washington’s real target is the country’s oil.

The operation follows months of intensifying US action: a $50 million bounty on Maduro, the biggest Caribbean naval buildup since the Cuban missile crisis, airstrikes on alleged drug boats and fighter jet patrols near Venezuelan cities.

Maduro responded with warlike rhetoric, urging citizens to be ready to fight the “North American empire”.

Strangely enough, Avatar did predict all of this…

If You Could Be Earlier Than 85% of the Market?

Most read the move after it runs. The top 250K start before the bell.

Elite Trade Club turns noise into a five-minute plan—what’s moving, why it matters, and the stocks to watch now. Miss it and you chase.

Catch it and you decide.

Get the Next Alert

_{By joining, you’ll receive Elite Trade Club emails and select partner insights. See Privacy Policy.}

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Couple of the Week

Former Canadian Prime Minister and Aladdin impersonator Justin Trudeau went official with popstar Katy Perry this week, with the “Firework” singer posting a cute photo dump of them on holiday.

‘The world is in flames, who the fuck cares?’ you may ask, but we love LOVE, especially when it involves a Canadian nepo-baby and an iconic 2010s pop star.

Perry’s exes haven’t taken it too well though.

Russell Brand has taken to baptising people in a zoo, and Orlando Bloom has tried to ‘one up’ her by dating Angela Merkel.

That’s all for today, but before you go…

We’re always open to feedback (and hate-mail), so feel free to reply and we’ll get back to you within 5 “working” days.

Barring a natural disaster or being kidnapped by the intelligence services, we’ll see you next week.

Thanks to Anna and Fred