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Happy Friday meme connoisseurs,

Another week in this crazy world has flown by.

Whilst we didn’t manage to go viral by dressing up as a medieval archer in Ibiza, we were on hand to sacrifice our eyes and dwindling sanities to ensure you could get up to speed via memes.

So enough dilly dallying, let’s get stuck in.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes

Quote of the Week

Reeves and Starmer to prepare ground for tax rises in a difficult autumn budget

Britain’s fiscal watchdogs think Chancellor Rachel Reeves is heading for an Autumn Budget tax hike, despite Labour’s manifesto promise not to raise taxes on “working people.”

But politicians never break their promises!

The National Institute of Economic and Social Research (NIESR) says Reeves can’t meet her own “fiscal rules” — balancing day-to-day spending by 2030 and reducing debt as a share of GDP — without plugging a forecast £41.2 billion deficit.

That gap could be over £50 billion if she keeps a planned £9.9 billion fiscal buffer. With spending locked in, the think tank says tax rises are her only real option.

Especially when your own MPs throw their toys out of the pram when you try to cut spending.

NIESR warns Reeves faces a political “trilemma”: meet fiscal rules, honour spending commitments and avoid tax rises for working people.

Likely revenue-raisers include income tax or VAT hikes. VAT is economically less disruptive but politically toxic for being regressive, while income tax rises risk breaking campaign promises.

Other options are equally unappealing: raising capital gains tax, cutting the £20k ISA allowance or reversing national insurance cuts (which would hit jobs).

Gamblers may also be picking up some of the tab, with the Chancellor saying a gambling tax “would help lift half a million children from poverty.”

Corporate tax changes could bring in cash but would breach her pledge to keep rates capped at 25% and risk further denting business confidence after April’s employer NIC rise.

As if they were some kind of long lost childhood friend, Prime Minister Keir Starmer says he doesn’t “recognise” NIESR’s numbers.

Looks like many British bank accounts might “recognise” some more money being sent to the tax man very soon.

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The EU is hitting the “I’ll do it after my afternoon siesta” button on a €93 billion package of retaliatory tariffs against the US that was set to kick in on 7 August, giving negotiators more time to finalise a joint statement on the trade deal agreed by Ursula von der Leyen and Donald Trump on the 27th July.

The measures will now be suspended for six months, which is hardly that impactful, given no one in Europe does any fucking work in July and August anyway.

Washington cut one of its tariff rates to 15% last week, giving EU exporters immediate relief on some goods. Brussels called it an “important foundation” for restoring stability in transatlantic trade, but big sticking points remain.

The US is still imposing 25% tariffs on EU cars and has not granted exemptions for strategic industries like aviation.

The Orange Maniac has also threatened retaliatory tariffs if the EU’s pledge to invest $600 billion into the US remains unfulfilled.

Both sides also have different interpretations of parts of the July deal, leaving room for fresh disputes.

The suspended EU package—originally split into two lists worth €21 billion and €72 billion before being merged—targets products including soybeans, cars, aircraft and Bourbon whiskey.

If talks stall, the measures could still be activated.

Microsoft surpasses $4 trillion valuation after stellar earnings

Microsoft’s market value crossed $4 trillion after revealing that Azure, its AI-fuelled cloud platform, now brings in more than €65 billion a year — up 34% from last year and disclosed for the first time.

It now joins NVIDIA in the $4 trillion club, with Apple lagging just behind.

The figure smashed Wall Street expectations and eased investor concerns over the billions being sunk into new data centres.

CEO Satya Nadella boasted Microsoft is expanding data centre capacity faster than any rival, now operating over 400 facilities worldwide. Azure remains second to Amazon Web Services, which pulled in about $109 billion last year.

The growth comes alongside cost-cutting moves, including 15,000 layoffs in 2024, framed by Nadella as a reset for the AI era.

Despite the cuts, the overall headcount remains unchanged at 228,000, with a shift toward US-based roles and away from support and consulting.

Wall Street has embraced Microsoft’s “leaner” approach as it justifies massive AI infrastructure spending.

The company also flagged US tariff volatility and geopolitical instability as potential risks to its cloud and devices business.

Trump fires labour statistics chief hours after data showed jobs growth slowed

America’s first orange President Donald Trump has sacked Erika McEntarfer, the US commissioner of labour statistics, just hours after new data showed jobs growth had slowed sharply over the summer.

Taking a leaf out of the tinpot Dictator playbook, Trump accused McEntarfer — without evidence — of “faking” figures before last year’s election to help Kamala Harris and claimed July’s jobs report was “rigged” to make him look bad.

Hmmm, where have we seen this one before?

The Bureau of Labor Statistics confirmed her dismissal, naming deputy commissioner William Wiatrowski as acting head.

The July report not only missed expectations but also revised May and June job gains down significantly, fuelling questions over the labour market’s strength since Trump returned to office.

Critics accused the president of being a fucking child “firing the messenger” and undermining the integrity of official economic data.

Economists, statisticians and former officials warned the move politicises independent statistics and risks long-term damage to trust in government data.

McEntarfer, a respected economist with a career spanning Republican and Democratic administrations, had been confirmed to her post in 2024 with strong bipartisan Senate support.

Trump orders India tariff hike to 50% for buying Russian oil

Donald Trump has signed an executive order slapping an extra 25% tariff on Indian imports over Delhi’s continued purchases of Russian oil, pushing the total duty to 50% — one of the highest US rates on any country.

The measure takes effect on the 27th August and will hit major Indian exports such as textiles, gems, jewellery, cringe TikTok’s, auto parts and seafood, while sparing electronics and pharmaceuticals.

India’s foreign ministry called the move “unfair, unjustified and unreasonable,” noting that other nations also buy Russian oil and that New Delhi began importing more after its traditional suppliers diverted shipments to Europe.

Russia now supplies more than 35% of India’s crude, about 1.75 million barrels a day.

The White House said the step was needed because India’s oil imports undermine US efforts to curb Moscow’s war in Ukraine.

Trump warned it was “just the start” and hinted at wider secondary sanctions and 100% tariffs on other Russian oil buyers.

The hike follows US envoy Steve Witkoff’s meetings in Moscow aimed at brokering peace, and underscores a sharp downturn in Trump–Modi relations.

Washington has previously imposed similar secondary tariffs on buyers of Venezuelan oil — and still trades with Russia itself, moving an estimated $3.5bn in goods last year despite sanctions.

First people to be returned to France under UK’s ‘one in, one out’ asylum deal

The UK has begun detaining people who arrived on small boats under Keir Starmer’s new “one in, one out” asylum deal with France.

Those selected will be sent to immigration removal centres and, if France accepts them, returned within three weeks.

In exchange, Britain will take the same number of asylum seekers from France.

Referrals to France must be made within three days, with Paris responding within 14, but only if you ask them in perfect French.

Otherwise they’ll answer back rudely much later, and in English.

The Home Office says only about 50 people will be part of the pilot scheme at first, but ministers insist the policy will expand.

Critics, including Care4Calais, have called the plan “morally repugnant,” arguing it denies protection to people with valid claims.

Refugee Legal Support warned that Eritreans — the largest group crossing the Channel this year, most with successful asylum rates — will be excluded if they cannot provide official documents.

The agreement allows France to reject transfers on public security or health grounds, and those with ongoing asylum claims cannot be removed. The UK is covering transport costs and the deal will run until at least June 2026 unless ended earlier.

So far this year, more than 25,000 people have crossed the Channel — up 48% on the same period in 2024, making it the highest total since records began.

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Meme of the Week

TV Debut of the Week🍺

US Vice-President and Peter Thiel’s favourite sex gimp JD Vance made his TV debut this week, appearing in the latest episode of South Park alongside the Orange Maniac and his micropenis.

As you can see from the tweet above, he is doing a very commendable job at pretending not to be upset about being portrayed as a chubby dwarf.

To be fair, he took it better than these guys.

That’s all for today, but before you go…

Barring an act of god, we’ll be back, bigger and better, next week - as usual.

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Thanks to Jack and Joel