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Greetings, beautiful people.

Welcome to your weekly roundup of the business and politics news you need to know from the UK and beyond, delivered in meme form.

It’s really that simple. Let’s get to it.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes

Quote of the Week

Sir Keir Starmer has secured the UK’s first trade agreement with President Trump since the US launched its global tariff bonanza.

The “special” (no, not that kind of special) relationship was on full display, as the UK was the first country that the US announced a deal with and reports indicate that Downing Street wanted to prioritise the US before any kind of deal with Europe.

Our European friends needn’t worry though, a deal is expected to be announced soon.

The deal removes US tariffs on British steel and aluminium (previously 25%) and cuts car export duties from 27.5% to 10%, offering immediate relief to key UK industries. In return, the UK will slash tariffs on US beef and ethanol to zero, within set quotas

A general 10% tariff on most goods remains in place.

Starmer, speaking from UNESCO World Heritage site Jaguar Land Rover in Solihull, called the agreement “historic” and a vital move to protect jobs, though he acknowledged that further negotiations are needed.

Trump praised Starmer’s leadership, describing the deal as “comprehensive” and promising more trade announcements soon.

Critics, including Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch, argue the UK gave more than it gained, claiming British farmers are disproportionately impacted.

Given she is unlikely to be party leader by the end of the year, we doubt anyone gives a flying fuck what she has to say.

Industry leaders and farming unions cautiously welcomed the agreement, relieved that UK food standards remain intact. No chlorinated chicken on the menu anytime soon then…

British food delivery giant Deliveroo has agreed to a takeover offer from American rival DoorDash that values the company at £2.9 billion ($3.9 billion).

Deliveroo, the platform that allows users to order hot meals—and even groceries if they’re feeling especially lazy or hungover—announced that its board has accepted a takeover offer from DoorDash to acquire all issued and outstanding shares at 180 pence per share.

The acquisition deal marks an end to Deliveroo’s fairly tumultuous ride as a public company.

Once viewed as a British tech darling, Deliveroo saw its shares tank 30% in 2021 in one of the worst trading debuts on the London Stock Exchange. Shares have continued to fall from that point and are down more than 50% from the firm’s £3.90 IPO price.

Timing had a lot to do with it.

Deliveroo went public at a time when the U.K. was still feeling the impacts of Covid-19 lockdowns, which had boosted the fortunes of various food delivery platforms. It did achieve profitability in 2024, but it was only around £3 million ($3.9 million).

Considering investors had thrown over $2 billion at the company over 12 years, the writing seems to have been on the wall.

In swooped DoorDash and the rest is history.

Maybe now we’ll see their Buy Now, Pay Later option launch in the UK—perfect if you’ve ever dreamed of getting into credit card debt over a cheeky Nandos.

Robert Prevost elected as the first American pope, takes the name Leo XIV

Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost has become the first American pope in history, taking the name Pope Leo XIV.

JD’s “meeting” with the late Francis makes all the more sense now.

Hey, it wouldn’t have been the first time Americans had taken out a Head of State and replaced him with one of their own.

The 69-year-old from Chicago addressed cheering crowds from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica, calling for a “missionary church” that builds bridges and fosters dialogue.

Elected just two days after the conclave began, Leo’s swift selection suggests strong support among cardinals, likely bolstered by his global experience as a missionary and Vatican official.

Leo inherits a Catholic Church deeply shaped by his predecessor, Pope Francis, who shifted focus away from divisive social issues and laundering money alongside the mafia toward helping the poor and marginalised.

His long service in Peru (he’s a naturalised Peruvian citizen) and leadership roles in the Vatican, including head of the Dicastery for Bishops, mark him as a capable and balanced figure.

Challenges ahead include addressing clerical abuse scandals (same old, same old), navigating political tensions and uniting a global church in a time of frequent conflicts.

Europe enjoying ‘capital renaissance’ after Trump unleashes tariffs

European investment may be entering a new phase of optimism, but as is usually the case when dealing with Europeans, it’s far from smooth sailing.

Private equity giant KKR sees signs of a “renaissance,” driven by US tariffs, public investment initiatives like Germany’s proposed €500 billion infrastructure fund and reform proposals such as Mario Draghi’s competitiveness report.

Moves toward greater economic self-reliance and unified capital markets could unlock significant long-term potential and awaken Europe from its decades long, US-enabled economic siesta.

However, challenges remain.

Sales cycles in Europe are estimated to be 20–30% longer than in the U.S., where buyers often have higher willingness to pay and make faster decisions. Scaling R&D in Europe also requires significantly more localisation, particularly in regulated sectors, adding cost and complexity.

This fragmentation can dilute scale advantages and limit the potential to build dominant category leaders. As Super Mario himself said:

Despite these hurdles, firms like KKR remains bullish, with $10 billion deployed since recent US tariff hikes and a leading £4 billion bid for Thames Water.

The era of endless Out of Office emails and clocking off for a midday nap may be on its last legs…

Germany’s intelligence agency walks back extremist label for AfD

Germany’s domestic intelligence agency, the BfV, has temporarily withdrawn its recent classification of the far-right Alternative for Germany (AfD) party as a confirmed extremist group.

Just six days after announcing it had “definitive evidence” the AfD aimed to undermine democratic order, the BfV reversed its position, citing ongoing legal proceedings.

The agency will now treat the AfD as a “suspected case,” a lower-level designation that still permits surveillance but under stricter judicial scrutiny.

The abrupt reversal followed an urgent legal challenge by the AfD, which accused the outgoing government of orchestrating a politically motivated attack in the final days of its term.

The BfV’s original decision, reportedly based on a 1,000-page analysis, would have allowed expanded surveillance and the use of informants—unprecedented for a party with Bundestag representation. Well, not completely unprecedented.

The agency provided no explanation in its court filing for suspending the classification.

The move has reignited debate over whether the AfD, currently polling as a national frontrunner, should face a formal ban. Party leaders Alice Weidel and Tino Chrupalla condemned the designation as a smear campaign and vowed to continue challenging it in court.

Trump appeasing Putin with pressure on Ukraine, Biden tells BBC

In his first interview since leaving office/waking up from his months-long nap, Joe Biden condemned the Trump administration’s pressure on Ukraine to concede territory to Russia, calling it “modern-day appeasement.”

Speaking to the BBC, Biden warned that caving to Vladimir Putin’s demands would embolden future aggression and threaten global stability. He expressed concern about weakening US–Europe relations under Trump, noting that European leaders are questioning America’s reliability as a global partner.

Biden defended his own support for Ukraine, emphasising that his administration provided the tools for Kyiv’s independence and adjusted policies as the war evolved.

This is of course, back when he could actually tell Zelenskyy and Putin apart.

Despite it picking up steam as an idea in Ukraine itself, he rejected claims that Ukraine must give up territory for peace, warning that such moves risk fracturing NATO unity and enabling dictatorships.

He didn’t seem to have any issues enabling his son Hunter earning $11 million between 2013-18 in “consulting" fees as a board member of a Ukranian firm, much of which was spent on smoking crack and being in a relationship with his dead brothers widow.

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