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Greetings lovely people,

While many sites (and banks) were down this week due to the oncoming agentic apocalypse, we managed to keep everything fully up and running.

Probably because we refuse to use AI at all, and anyone who is caught using it at Pint HQ is given 18 lashings by yours truly.

For legal reasons, that isn’t true in the slightest.

Let’s get stuck into the news you need to know from this week.

⏰ Today's reading time is 7 minutes

This week, cyber-security researchers at the firms Calif and Wiz detected ‘critical vulnerabilities’ in PHP, a programming language that is estimated to be used on 70% of sites in the world.

They were part of a program started by OpenAI called Patch the Planet, that looks to ‘connect security researchers, maintainers, and incident responders to help address critical vulnerabilities across the web’ (provided they use the latest GPT of course).

OpenAI claims that these sites with confidential user data or information could easily be exploited by hackers, and called the discovery ‘one of the most impactful security issues in recent memory’.  

In other words, “look how clever we are to have helped find this vulnerability. That’ll be $199.99 a month for the rest of your life, thank you very much. Just kidding, we’re keeping the compute cheap….for now.”

Not to worry though, ladies and gents.

Nothing all that important runs on PHP or old software—except the water & electrical grid, a few government services like our missile defence systems and a handful of electrified fences at the zoo (for all the animals that could kill you like lions, tigers and cobras).

US President Donald Trump said on Monday he is open to three-way arms-control talks with the leaders of China and Russia as soon as next month. The three leaders have all met separately, but have never held formal talks together.

In recent days, Trump has moved to warm ties with Russian President Vladimir Putin, announcing a diesel-fuel deal and signing an order ⁠last week waiving key sanctions on Moscow.

Trump has also sought stable relations with Chinese President Xi Jinping, who in turn has nurtured close ties with Putin, paving the way for a potential three-way between the three geriatrics. I wonder what language they’d have their pillow talk in? Anyway…

Following Trump’s mafia style 28-point plan in November 2025, you can bet good money on the modestly successful comedian-turned Ukrainian wartime leader Volodymyr Zelenskyy not being front and centre of any of their minds by the time their threesome summit rolls around.

While Winnie the Pooh may not have an issue with Zelenskyy, and Putin is at war with the fella, Donny T apparently just doesn’t like the guy, and this could be shaping US policy when it comes to the war.

A friendly reminder that one of his campaign promises was ending the Ukraine war in two weeks.

Not to worry though, because like Dennis Rodman, Trump gets on brilliantly with Kim Jong Un, for whatever that’s worth.

Every cup from my Keurig started tasting weak, flat, stale — so I unplugged it and stuck it in a closet. Then I learned the dirty secret of grocery store K-Cups: by the time a pod reaches your kitchen, it's usually spent months going from factory to warehouse to truck to shelf. The flavor oils are long gone. Some brands even over-roast to hide it.

The fix wasn't a new machine. It was fresh pods from Angelino's, a family-owned L.A. roastery that roasts, packs, and ships within 3–5 days — straight to your door, from 39¢ a cup. Over 1,000,000 happy customers. 50+ flavors, no subscription required, and 15% off your first order, applied automatically at checkout.

Try 35¢ Pods

Insider reports suggest that leading artificial intelligence firm Anthropic (ANTH.PVT) could be publicly filing for IPO as early as next month.

If events unfold as rumoured, the filing could be the largest in history; its success or failure will act as compelling evidence (or counter evidence) of investor appetites for the artificial intelligence boom.

Though Anthropic is the most value AI pure play in the world, experts have expressed shock that they are the first to go public.

Contrary to their competitors, Anthropic’s administrative team have been outspoken about the dangers of their own technology, some going so far as to demand government regulation.

CEO Dario Amodei aligned these seemingly contrary actions in a recent press conference.

In news that nobody who’s ever talked to anyone or been anywhere can quite believe, unemployment in the UK is officially down.

In a series of findings being modestly described as “surprising”, The Office for National Statistics’ latest report reveals that the jobless rate, which was 4.9% in August, fell to 4.7% just three months later.

Beyond that, the number of payrolled employees rose by 13,000 between August and September, sitting at 30.3 million in the latter month.

However, it’s not all good news; Director of think tank The Work Foundation, Ben Harrison later said the nation is still facing a “jobs drought”, with vacancies lower than they have been for 12 years, discounting the pandemic.

When we chased the organisation for clarity over the phone, we were informed Mr Harrison had been relieved of his position and that if we had any queries, their new DirectorBot.AI would be happy to help.

In a referendum that nobody cared about (and still don’t because it changed absolutely nothing), the people of the Canadian province of Alberta have voted to remain part of the country they were already a part of anyway.

The vote, nicknamed “Albexit” by absolutely no one at all because, and we cannot stress enough, nobody cares one iota, ultimately went in favour of the Albinos “Albainers”, who made up about 75% of the final vote.

Alberta, with most of Canada's proven oil reserves and abundant gas and mineral wealth, has often accused central government of neglecting their interests in favour of other provinces like Ontario and Quebec.

Undeterred by his movement's defeat, leading activist Jeffrey Rath described it as “a major victory and a hell of an accomplishment” - a remarkably flattering characterisation of what is, really, when you think about it, nothing at all.

The Alberta independence campaign, an effort spearheaded by a grassroots group of activists who are allegedly friends with the Trump administration, was characterised as “small-but-vocal”.

In this sense, they are indeed a far cry from their fellow Canadians, who are large-but-quiet.

It’s good to see the BBC put the same amount of effort into vetting their cybersecurity correspondent as they did with Jimmy Savile in the 1960s.

That being, none at all.

To be fair, If you’d asked me what PHP was last week, I’d have told you it was a stronger version of Fentanyl that the Chinese are importing into Ohio as revenge for the Century of Humiliation.

But then again, I’m not the BBC’s cyber correspondent.

We’d love it if you left us some feedback as to how you found this edition.

Our intern will get back to you within 4-5 business days, once we’ve let them out of the basement for their legally mandated half an hour of fresh air.

Thanks to Jen & Mike